we have pet lesbian snakes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
