Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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