if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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