I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
