Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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