no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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