Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
