That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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