Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
