I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
