Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Two words: blizzard sex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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