Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
