Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
