I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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