Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
PANTIES FOUND
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
