Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
