NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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