I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
