you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
