I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
