Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
