last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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