do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize