Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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