bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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