Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
