I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
