We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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