I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize