Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
