i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
