i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize