I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
