I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
