I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
