But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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