i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
