probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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