yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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