My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
