i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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