1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
