y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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