can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I still have a little drunk in my system
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
