I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
