Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
