I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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