some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't put those talents on a resume
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
