did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
