Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
