He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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