is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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