My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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