Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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