she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
