I think i peed on brittanys purse
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
