I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
