Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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