I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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