You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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