I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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