Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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