I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
