lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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