i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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