I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
